E3 used to just be a thing to show off new products to investors and stockholders and going into E3, I never remember this fact but EA never fails to remind me of this fact. Their press conferences are always flat with a lot of cringe worthy moments (and saying cringe makes me cringe) and because of it, I would say this easily the most uninteresting one to talk about it which is funny because the same applies to the games. There is literally nothing noteworthy to praise about the games they showed off so let’s trash them. Anthem looks like EA’s attempt to take on Destiny because they want to start another dick measuring contest with another publisher. I mean, their title franchise of Battlefield has revealed in the first eight minutes of E3 that it’s going BATTLE ROYALE because they want to both fight Activision and Epic Games for the Battle Royale Crown so EA is going to waste money trying to fight them. I mean, their licensed sports games still sell like hot cakes for no reason so they got the money to burn because they are only programmed to make all the money these days. The only glimmer of hope from the mess was the fact that Anthem is being made by Bioware who are known for their great story telling skills but this is an MMO game and it’s being published by EA so we know what’s getting shoved in. While on the topic of microtransactions, they planning to release a new Command and Conquer game. Yeah, a new Command and Conquer game FOR MOBILE. To say I am disappointed in EA is an overstatement. I mean, it’s EA. You can’t enter an event where EA is involved without feeling automatically disappointed. Apart from that, nothing else that was shown is worth talking about so let’s move onto Microsoft who actually got some good shit.
I’m going to start with the elephant in the room. Cyberpunk 77 looks amazing and there is no doubting it. It’s just what I would expect from CD Projekt Red because they make no compromises when they make games. They don’t shove in needless gimmicks or microtransactions. That want to give you a solid experience from the get go and that’s why I say you should buy that game the second it comes out. CD Projekt Red is one of those studios that always constantly hit every single expectation people make for them. The trailer they showed for it was such a show stealer and that was a trend for Microsoft this year because it seems like they had brought out the dump trucks of money to have all the show stealers. They had Just Cause 4 which is just what I would expect from the Just Cause series and that’s stupid, explosive fun and if you want to see more of that game, go to the OfficialNerdcubed channel because he actually has alpha footage of the game on his channel so just go watch that video if you want more of that. The other one I’m going to quickly touch base on because I am going to gush about it in the next paragraph is Fallout 76. That is just great looking but let’s talk about the shit parts of the conference so Jump Force. I am going to carefully dissect my reasons why I think Jump Force is going to be very disappointing. Let’s start with the style of the game because oh my god, it’s looks like shit. This is an anime game so why are they using realistic 3D models? Like, this is coming from Bandi Namco who makes and publishes the “Naruto Ninja Storm” and “One Piece Pirate Warriors” Games so they know how to do this properly. On top of that, Dragon Ball Z Fighters come out earlier this year and it looks much better then this so this just looks like crap compared to them. What’s not helping is the fact that they are smooshing in characters from all the Jump series so they have to try to mesh very different styles of shounen together to make this but don’t worry, Light from “Death Note” is the game if the trailer is to be believed so they officially don’t give a crap. They are just throwing all the marketable stuff into one game and hopes it sells and I kinda of brought the pitch and I’m somewhat hyped but I know I will hate most of it. Before ending this, I wanna quickly talk about the new FromSoftware game that looks like Japanese Dark Souls and it looks far more better then Dark Souls and that’s it and also Devil May Cry 5 is a thing alongside with Crackdown 3. I haven’t played any of the Crackdown games but I have played the remake of DMC so I will cover my thoughts on Devil May Cry at a later date. That’s all so unless you wanna talk Gears Of War 6 and Halo Infinte, I’m just going to move onto Bethesda.
Bethesda is still new to the press conference thing but they sure have mastered how to get a crowd hyped for their games which is a shame they pulled a Sonic Anniversary right at the start. They gave Rage 2 both a really weird teaser trailer before the conference started on the stream and then they got this guy to sing this song about dying which was really weird. To be perfectly honest, most of this year’s conference was very bad. They announced Doom’s sequel and then told us to wait until Quakecon find out more on it and then they announced Wolfenstien Young Blood which is a coop experience and ended with that. They released more content for Prey and also did some stuff for that Elder Scrolls CG app. Rage 2 looked promising but I am disappointed that it’s trying to be more “eccentric” because the original Rage was a lot dark and dramatic but then Rage 2 comes along and destroying all of that for stupid fun. I think a stupid fun game should be the basis of a game not be built on the remains of another game and although is some cases where this doesn’t apply (Look at the Saints Row series) but this isn’t one of them. So the first half of the conference was horribly executed so Bethesda had to pull out their trump card again of Todd Howard. This man might as well be the company logo or at least the PR manager because he is pretty much the face of Bethesda now and being the gaming incarnation of Jesus, he saved the whole thing with the chained sequence of reveals of Fallout 76, Starfield, Elder Scrolls phone game (which looks amazing for a phone game) and Elder Scrolls 6. Just for that alone, I am willing to give Bethesda “Best Conference Of E3” award as well as “Best Comeback Of E3” but we haven’t gotten to Nintendo yet. Never the less, Fallout 76, despite being a multiplayer game, is still going to have that single player option for all those who want their solo experience but they are also adding co-op which means you can now trek the wastelands with an actual human being now. And also you can launch nukes at people for no reason but the fact that nukes are fun, as long as we ignore the fact they caused the Great War to begin with. Bethesda in the end wasn’t too bad and produced most of the most hyped games from E3 and talking about hyped games, Square Enix.
Square Enix pretty much brought nothing new to the table. We got more details on Just Cause 4 which has natural disaster elements now which looks amazing and does add more flair to a game which is full of it. We are getting a new Dragon Quest game if anyone cares about Dragon Quest. The Switch is getting a rather unique looking RPG who’s name I forgot but still looks very interesting due to the very 2D art style. We are getting a new Platinum Games game called Babylon’s Fall and as a fan of their games, I was so hyped because a Platinum Games game is a rare and beautiful thing for anyone who likes hack and slashes like me. We got more on Kingdom Hearts for all you Disney fans and Final Fantasy XIV is getting a crossover with Monster Hunter of all things. We also got to see more footage for their new game based in their new “Life Is Strange” universe which looks very childish and Lara has finally gone full Jason in her latest trailer featuring really bad AI. I like how Square Enix has turned a game about raiding tombs to killing people, all ala Assassins Creed style. There isn’t much to say here since the conference was only thirty minutes long and only featured teasers stuff, in fact, it wasn’t even a conference. They did the Nintendo Direct thing and just streamed a video of their reveals which is good because when they did the live thing, it was very boring and dull. The only other thing I want to bring up is The Quiet Man which sounds interesting on paper since it’s about a deaf hero but I think it’s going to be executed horribly. Overall, Square Enix brought nothing much of interest outside of Just Cause 4, Kingdom Hearts 3 and Babylon’s Fall and nothing of value was gained so let’s talk Nintendo.
Nintendo didn’t have much going for it except for a new SMASH ANNOUNCEMENT. I’m not a massive Nintendo fan but when I was watching the Nintendo Direct live, I was fanboying in a discord chat with a bunch of other equally hyped Nintendo fans because Smash just has something about it which makes it an amazing party game and because of it, everyone who ever played a smash game just joins the massive hype machine when a new Smash game is announced. I was especially hyped when they announced that all the previous Smash characters will be in this game which means the Pichu agenda is back in full force and the fact that they ended the whole thing with the announcement of fan demanded Ridley is just beautiful. I mean, there is other stuff to talk about like a new Animal Crossing game but that doesn’t matter because Smash. There was also a really cool looking mecha game for the Switch but I don’t care because of Smash. I feel like I can deflected any complaint about me not talking about anything else because Smash. In fact, I am tempted to just end it there because Smash but we got two more conferences so let’s move on to Sony. Oh god, Sony.
I don’t want to talk about Sony because their conference was on the same level of embarrassing disappointment as EA’s but this time, it isn’t because they were trying to push money and investors before consumers. It was because it was just so cringe worthy. Like, for some stupid reason (probably because marketing), they had musicians come on the stage and play music for no well explained reason. I think it’s to set the mood for each game they plan to show off beforehand but it just felt so unnecessary. And talking with needless crap, Last Of Us Two. You can fight me over this opinion but I think the game doesn’t need a sequel and Naughty Dog should either go back to Crash Bandicoot or just start another new IP. I also like how the trailer opened up with showing Ellie being a lesbian which is only a big surprise to those who aren’t familiar with the Last Of Us universe so pretty much, it’s only there for bonus points. Apart from that, it looks like that usual standard third person stealth them up with a side of that post apocalypse lacks of ethics so nothing has changed with the game. There was some Destiny 2 promo stuff for their new expansions for those who care and after another awkward musical segway via a white man trying to play traditional Asian music via flute, they revealed what I think was a pretty good looking game going by the name of “Ghost Of Tsushima”. For me, it looks like a case of “Looks amazing, plays like crap” and I am hoping that I am wrong about that. This game is the most promising thing coming out Sony’s conference so I have high hopes for it. There was also “Control” which also looks amazing but it’s a pre rendered so I am not buying into it plus it looks like a Sci Fi shooter game which means it’s every single shooter game these days. They revealed Resident Evil 2 Remastered for all those who like Resident Evil before it spiraled into a trash chute after 4 and we learnt more about Death Stranding NOT. It’s still super vague and the trailer left us even more confused than before which seems to be the standard for this game now which is why I am going stop going on about it now. They revealed more Kingdom Hearts 3 stuff for the third time in E3 because hype but at least this time, they didn’t recycle the same footage and added some new stuff to it. Nioh’s sequel was announced and I think that’s a good thing. I don’t know, I never played the first one but to end on a high note, we finally saw some new stuff about that new Spider-Man game. It looks promising but that’s it. That’s all I want to say about the other disappointment of E3 so let’s finish this off with Ubisoft.
As per usual, Ubisoft opened with their stupid dance number to promote “Just Dance” because people still buy it for Ubisoft to make a big fuss about it. They did at least follow up with that mess with more Beyond Good And Evil 2 which is nice of them but it’s seems like they baiting all the fans with the young Jade thing and this being prequel, they just pretty much released the ending to the game for all those with half a brain cell. They then talked about Rainbow Six Siege content which if I recall is the only game Ubisoft isn’t releasing every year with new editions. I do want to eventually get into the game but they did nothing to encourage to buy it any time soon. There was an embarrassing intro for Trails Rising and then we got more crap thrown at us about The Diversion 2. They announced DLC for that weird X-Com Mario game they made but then they revealed their pirate ship battling game called “Skulls And Bones” because ship battles is the new hot and fresh thing now, alongside with Battle Royales. If I don’t sound enthusiastic, that’s because, spoilers, Ubisoft brought nothing I found interesting. I mean, they announced a collab with a film company to make a creepy horror game with maybe FMV because everyone totally loves FMVs. I just going to end this paragraph here before I devolve into depressing rants because oh, For Honor is getting new content because apparently people are still playing it. You know what, screw it. I’m just going to go now.
And that’s E3 in a nutshell. I didn’t bring up two other conferences but the PC Gaming Show can be summed up as “Ten minutes of games, three hours of masturbating over PC parts”. As for the other one, it was just Devolver Digital doing what Devolver Digital does at these E3 events and that’s making fun of the latest trends. If you ever need a good pick me up after the usual bog standard corporate crap, just watch the Devolver Digital conferences because they are always worth a good laugh. Next week will be a movie review and no, it’s not Black Panther because screw Marvel at this point. I want to do a movie that I like and I will know it won’t end with me, ranting my ass off for a whole paragraph. Remember to check out my video content via the link in the sidebar and maybe also check out my steam profile if you feel like donating me any games.
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